Sometimes I Get Depressed because I Have CVID

CVID sucks. Depression sucks. CVID and depression sucks even worse.

Did you know when your immune system is all fucked up so is just about everything else in your body? Let’s see…in my case…my brain, my hormones, my weight, my hair (or lack thereof), my stomach, my poop, my pee, my muscles, my vision, my energy…just to name a few.

Did you also know when your immune system is all fucked up so is just about everything OUTSIDE your body? My marriage, my mothering, my career (Poof! Gone!), a lot of my money, my relationships with my parents and other family members, my friendships, my relationship with God, my motivation, my house…well, I’ll just stop there.

So, all of THAT doesn’t help in regards to my CVID and depression

I mourn the driven, young woman I used to be. I see pictures of her and literally think “if only I could be her once again.” I was stupid and ignorant and I took her body, energy and health for granted (not to mention her hair!).

“Susan,” you might say to me, “you ARE older now. You’re 41 and not 25 any more! We all feel this way sometimes.”

To you I would say, “You are right! But, I should feel 41 (give or take a few years depending on the day and what time of the month it is!) NOT 81!”

To anyone and everyone else out there living with depression (whether you have a chronic disease or not), I understand.

I understand that it’s almost impossible to drag yourself out of bed in the morning to face yet another day feeling like shit physically and mentally. I understand that you feel so tired every second of every day even after a decent night’s sleep. I understand that you feel all alone and that you’ve isolated yourself physically or maybe just emotionally. I understand that you’re scared you might never feel real joy again because you haven’t felt it in so long that you don’t know what it would feel like even if you felt it again.

I understand.

I understand that all of the shit your friends and family, your doctor, your hairdresser and the internet tell you to do to dig your way out of depression is impossible when you are so depressed that you can’t even get out of bed to help your children get ready for school in the morning or for that matter to sip a skinny vanilla latte’ from you-know-where.

Exercise? Eat veggies? Dress the way I want to feel? Volunteer because helping others will make me feel better? Keep a gratitude journal. These are ALL super suggestions. They really are…but for me they really only help once I’ve dug myself halfway out of the rabbit hole or I’m trying to keep depression at bay.

It’s hard to understand isn’t it? I’m sure it’s even harder for those who have never experienced deep, long-lasting depression to understand.

I get it, though, and I want you all to know that.

Stay strong my Zebra friends.


37 thoughts on “Sometimes I Get Depressed because I Have CVID”

  1. Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks
    would really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you got your design.
    With thanks

    1. Thank you! This theme is my all-time fav. It is a free wordpress theme called Savona. I did have to adjust the settings to get the exact look you see though and I’m happy to explain that or help you with yours the best I can! Please email me directly at and we’ll work on it!

  2. Heya just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly.
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    1. Thank you for notifying me of this issue. I always appreciate and want to know when people are experiencing such issues (or any others). I will be checking it out shortly and if you do come back by my site and see the same issue please do not hesitate to write me again!

    1. Weird, but good! I’m not sure why my site would be coming up in a search for Minecraft, however, I’m still pretty new at this so… Thanks for taking a look and come by anytime!

  3. You’ve made some decent points there. I checked on the net for more info about the issue and
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    1. Thanks! I think I already replied to your comment earlier but the “struggle is real!” You are right–there are others that feel the same way and thankfully they are brave enough to share their feelings online.

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  5. My brother recommended I might like this web site. He was totally right.
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    1. I’ll have to tell you that I know exactly how you feel! I’ve spent countless hours online searching and searching for REAL, TRUE, PERSONAL accounts of depression, chronic illness, and so many other topics. I’m happy this post has helped you.

    1. Thank you. Yes, I agree with your findings. Many people that have invisible chronic illness often suffer from depression and several of my friends and family did notice. Some did not. I think that is to be expected. I like the mental health movement of recent years. It is bringing to light the symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. Perhaps as our environment becomes more enlightened we human beings will be able to better recognize, reach out, and offer help to our fellow human beings in need.

  6. Hello! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebook group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.
    Please let me know. Thank you

    1. Absolutely! I would be so honored! I am sooooooooooooo sorry I’ve been out sick due to CVID-related issues. I’ll be posting all the fun (sarcastic) details this week! Please feel free to write me anytime and would you mind letting me know what group or liking my page on FB @cvidivia so I can join your group. I need all the support I could get and I would love to share all the support I can! Thank you!

  7. I’m not sure why but this web site is loading
    very slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end?
    I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

    1. Hello! I’m sorry I was out sick for a while when this happened to you. Did you try it again and if so, did it happen again? Please feel free to write me anytime and let me know how I can help! Also, thank you for letting me know it was posting slow. I always want to know this stuff so I can fix it and/or check on it!

  8. Spot on with this write-up, I really believe that this site needs much more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read more,
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    1. Thank you! You are right! This site needs a lot more attention…from me!!! Unfortunately, I’ve been a little out of commission lately dealing with some CVID-related issues, but I’m back! Please feel free to write me anytime!

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